Jon Beauregard grew up in the dilapidated house, cared for by his mother’s unmarried identical twin sister Peggy Jean, who saw the arrangement as an opportunity for free rent and free-flowing beer. Peggy had little affection for her late sister and even less for her moody, nerdy nephew. A quiet, lonely child, Jon turned to comic books and science fiction movies to escape his boredom. He would wait up all night, listening for the sounds of his aunt stumbling home with an endless stream of short-term boyfriends and party pals.

On his 18^th birthday, Jon took great pleasure in evicting his aunt and sending her back to her ancestral trailer. His small annuity allowed him to keep his nose buried in comics and to drink beer until he passed out each night in front of the TV. Bright but impractical, he dreamed of starting a beer garden in space, staffed by alien girls in fur bikinis, like on his favorite show, Star Trek.

Jon wanted to return the family house to its former glory, but lacked the funds to do anything but watch hopelessly as the porch fell off the side of the house, crushing the old shed that Grandpa Beauregard once used to brew his first home made beer. Jon’s few friends watched with alarm as he became morose and reclusive. Deciding he needed a change, his buddies dragged him to the last place he would ever want to go, Urso’s only discothèque. There, a fateful disco-ball accident changed his life forever.

After the giant metal ball landed on his head, Jon awoke in the arms of Crystal Newton, a kind-hearted, empty-headed go-go dancer. To everyone’s amazement, Jon dropped 30 IQ points but gained a devoted wife and a new lease on life. The former shut-in became a disco dancing fanatic and party animal. Crystal and Jon stayed out until the wee hours every night and joyously welcomed their son Addison, born on the dance floor of Studio 93.

Jon and Crystal tried to spruce up the house but neither had the stamina the job required. After repainting it with a settlement from the disco-ball accident, the rest was blown on hot cars and parties, and the house continued its slide toward collapse. Affectionate, over-indulgent but irresponsible parents, Jon and Crystal showered their son with gifts they couldn’t afford, including a set of full size skateboard ramps.

Even as a child, Addison (known as “Beau” to everyone but his parents) knew his folks would die broke and leave him nothing but the former “white elephant” of a house, now garish pink and purple. Beau tried not to resent his parents’ stupidity, but he ran out of conversation with them by the time he was 10. He developed a sullen streak that burst out in acts of irrational rebellion, to the confusion of his uncomprehending parents. Luckily, they each had the attention span of a pineapple, would forget his infractions immediately and go back to dancing away their happy-go-lucky lives, which they do to this day.